May 282012
 

Cheers to Bob Gurr, who both shaped my childhood and drinks my favorite adult beverage. (Photo: MiceChat.com)

My regular readers know that I am passionate about how the past is preserved. We, as a culture, are so obsessed with money that blow our heritage off all the time. That’s one reason I wrote a new article for Travel + Leisure about the original Disney attractions that Walt knew best.

The destruction of Walt Disney World’s Snow White’s Scary Adventures, which happens on Friday, distressed me enough for me to write a slideshow feature about the oldest Disney rides, and for it, I talked to Bob Gurr, an Imagineer who helped build Disneyland in 1955 and went on to be a crucial designer for the park’s most seminal rides.

That same passion for making details about our past available to everyone has inspired me to put Gurr’s full interview on this blog so that anyone can read his words. Magazine and Web articles can only put so many words into stories before people’s click fingers get itchy. But there’s no reason the words of someone as esteemed as Gurr should be left on the cutting room floor. (I also salvaged a choice nugget from an interview with Anthony Bourdain last year.)

Make sure you go to Travel + Leisure and read my whole piece — that will make everyone happy, including me. You can also buy Bob’s book on engineering and Disney History, Design: Just for Fun, at his website. You probably have a long emotional connection with his worth without even knowing it, since he shaped the vehicles of most of Disney’s most iconic ride systems from the Disneyland Monorail (a National Historic Mechanical Engineering Landmark) to the Haunted Mansion‘s distinctive Omnimover (a name he coined).

I asked Bob to discuss a few Disneyland attractions that he had a hand in, and the way Walt Disney figured into their creation. Some of his recollections won’t be new to Mouseheads, but they are full of reverence for the process, and considering the cultural importance of the results of that process to American culture, it’s worth putting on the record anyway. Here’s what Bob said, in his words.  Continue reading »

Dec 022011
 
Jason Cochran at Universal Studios Orlando

You've seen me without my beard. You'll have to die now.

Sharks must keep moving or they die. What we have here is a dead shark.

Universal Orlando just announced that it’s eliminating the Jaws ride at Universal Studios Florida. It was one the last of the rides that was original to the park’s 1990 opening. (Well, sort of original. It’s a retool of a hitchy version that included some impossible-to-maintain gimmicks such as red “blood” billows in the water and a turntable that turned the boats around.)

And now this still-too complicated boat ride is mooring in that great chlorinated wharf in the sky. It puts me in the mind of 2005, when the New York Post pitched Universal Orlando on a story: Would it let me come do a theme park performance job for a day? Could I see operations from the resort’s point of view? To the park’s credit, it agreed to try it. I flew down to play skipper for the Jaws ride (which it screamingly calls JAWS) for a day.

The nervous P.R. people sent me a videotape of the ride shot from the back of the boat, and by playing it over and over, I learned the script and flew down. The Hard Rock Hotel welcomed me to my room with an over-the-top, custom-made confectionary platter complete with half-bitten chocolate surfboards poking out of a plate of blue “water” frosting.

The resort’s risk paid off. I gave a great show. I was a test case for backstage journalist access, and it was a smash. It went so well, in fact, that when Ellen DeGeneres came down to tape her show a few months later, Universal put her to work on the Jaws ride, too. I’m not bitter or anything, but it bears noting that she didn’t stick to the script like I did. I’m just saying.

Here is my experience, which appeared in a different form in the New York Post (here’s a scan, since it’s no longer online there) and in my book on Orlando for the Pauline Frommer series.

++++

I’ve been attacked by a shark, unprovoked, 84 times.

And I haven’t even had my break yet. In the name of journalism, I’m working Universal Orlando’s 2.5-acre JAWS attraction, which begins as a scenic cruise of sleepy Amity Island but, as these things do, goes horribly awry when a vicious great white menaces my vessel. From my introduction to the guests as “Skipper Jason” to the harrowing, high-voltage climax, each ride is 5 minutes of fishy mayhem. Fireballs, explosions—the whole circus. And I’m the ringmaster.

When I was a kid, any carbon-based life form with opposable thumbs could operate a theme park ride, but here, training is a ritual. Normally, I’d have to go through 5 days of it, including a swimming test at nearby Wet ’n Wild, before being allowed to “skipper” a JAWS boat, but for the sake of journalism, Universal treats me to an abbreviated education. I learn it’s not a ride, it’s a “show,” and it’s not narration, it’s a “spiel.” As a spieler, I’ll usually run three boatloads in a row before taking a break—each show takes more than 5 minutes, so that’s 15 minutes of opera-level intensity. Phil Whigham, the attraction’s trainer, shows me where they keep the Gatorade jug. I am gonna need it, especially in this heat.

I receive a costume (cleaned daily by Universal and picked up at a huge wardrobe facility), a script (eight pages, annotated with acting “beats”), plus a nine-page workbook (Essay question: “How do I feel about the grenade launcher?”), and a tongue-in-cheek dossier on people and places in Amity (in case anyone asks). Normally, I’d go through at least 4 days of training before setting foot on a boat. But I’m thrown into deep water, so to speak, with just a morning’s education behind me.

Out on the lagoon, Phil adjusts my microphone headset and explains what the boats’ dashboard buttons do. One errant elbow could shut down the entire ride. So that provided exciting potential for lifelong mortification.

I meet Mimi Lipka, Universal’s resident acting coach. Although she’s a great-grandmother, she has more perk than the clean-cut college-age kids she shepherds through JAWS’ acting rigors. Before the park opens, Mimi has me run the “show” on an empty boat while she rides along, taking notes for my improvement as the mechanized shark rams us.

Interacting with the attraction’s timed special effects is like doing a pas de deux with a pinball machine. The machines are going to do their thing even if I forget mine. I have to fire my grenade launcher at the correct targets, yank the steering wheel at the right moments, and with full-bodied emotion, I must trick the guests into thinking I don’t anticipate that pesky shark’s pre-programmed re-appearances. Like clockwork, I go Rambo on the beast. “Eat this!” I bellow, blasting away at it, while Mimi scribbles. (A typical tip: “Look for survivors!”)

Finally, with a proud flourish, she writes my name on a dry-erase board hidden behind the unload station. I am “signed off” and officially on rotation. The ride opens.

I nervously guide an empty boat to the load station, where “deck crew” assigns seating by playing what they jokingly call “Human Tetris.” Now I see 48 open faces before me, waiting for me to take control of them. Judging by their expectant—some might say passive—grins, they’re dying to buy whatever I’m about to sell. I press the green start button. No return now.

“Well, time to start our voyage,” I chirp, on cue. “Wave goodbye to the happy landlubbers!” That line was always the start of my script, but I’m surprised to see my passengers actually do it. Once I fight the urge to rush, I realize I have them. Children gleefully point to the merest ripple; grown men shy from teeth they know are fake. The interaction—a triangle between me, a multimillion-dollar machine, and my audience—is invigorating, and I stop fretting about timing and just have fun. Show by show, my voice grows hoarser and I get thirstier, but the feedback from the guests’ faces feeds my energy level. When my passengers disembark, and as I catch my breath between runs, I eavesdrop.

“I wanna go again!” squeals a boy. “I wasn’t scared,” fibs another. And from a British girl: “I’ve got a soppy bottom!”

To me, a wet customer is a happy customer. Fin.

Jason Cochran skippers JAWS at Universal Orlando

My classic attempt at misdirection is as hilarious as what I'm packing.

Jason Cochran skippers JAWS at Universal Orlando

And so JAWS goes out in a blaze of glory.

 

 

Nov 082010
 

On Tuesday, the Disney Store makes a triumphant official grand opening in Times Square, shutting down the so-called “Crossroads of the World” with an appearance by a rodent that’s huge even by Manhattan standards.

The store has been open to customers for the past few days. I went, and although I’m pleased to see that something is finally taking over that eternally empty Bar Code arcade space, the geek in me found little to hold him in the two huge levels of merchandise.

You wouldn't know it, but Mickey is older than two of those iconic buildings.

When you walk in, you will be reassured by piles of banal New York City stereotypes: tee shirts with yellow cabs, big apples, Minnies who have stolen Lady Liberty’s crown. You can even buy Spider-Man action figures now that the Mouse-Marvel marriage is complete.

How appropriate that there’s a Disney store in Times Square! After all, the neighborhood played a central role in the career of Walt Disney himself (isn’t that how you have to describe the Disney Diety now? “Walt Disney himself”?). After all, Steamboat Willie premiered at the Colony Theatre (now the Broadway, where Promises, Promises is playing) on November 18, 1928. And he World’s Fair of 1964, in Queens, was where “its’s a small world” was born (the original is now at Disneyland) and it was the father of Epcot.

You’ll find nothing at the Disney Store that would tell you any of that. In fact, you won’t even find a single piece of information, not even for sale, about what happened where you are standing. Buzz Lightyear costumes, princess outfits, Vinylmation allowance gobblers… but not a single page in a single book about Disney art, Disney animation, Disney history, Disney biography. I know because I asked three employees if there were any.

Hat's entertainment

“Oh, I have some really great Disney books at home!” chirped a very young woman (everyone who works there is about 21 years ago, which usually tells you something about the wages). “But we don’t have any here.”

Yeah, I know. I’m being crazy. I shouldn’t expect a profit-making enterprise to give up even a foot of floor space to something that may not make much money. The Disney Store is a money machine, not a museum. I’m too sensitive. I demand too much morality from my publicly traded companies.

And I do. The American memory is failing, and we’re standing on the shoulders of previous generations just so we can reach the momentary purchases on the top shelf.

It’s a hot button for me. And it’s the modern Disney company for you. Up until three years ago, there was a single, solitary bookstore in all of Walt Disney World at which you could reliably find books about the great achievements upon which this billion-dollar empire rest. But then the stewards of that empire converted it into a Hanes-sponsored tee-shirt shop.

After it closed, I went to The Emporium, the largest souvenir store on the Florida resort property, and asked a worker (elderly) where I could learn about Disney and how it got that way. She told me I could maybe find some stuff at the Virgin Megatore. I went. I couldn’t.

Now even that store is closed, so there’s truly no dedicated bookstore or even bookstand on Walt Disney World’s 30,000-odd acres to purchase a book about the craft that brought you there.

Walt built this, but don't tell: The new store

I don’t mean to single Disney out. Almost all the major American parks dishonor their own heritage. Many Hollywood studios do, too. I recently took a tour of the Sony Pictures Studios lot, which was once the mighty MGM, and although I begged the guide for background about the things that were shot on the soundstages I visited, I got mostly shrugs. He could barely name anything that Sony didn’t want to sell at the cinemas or on DVD. (“Spider-Man?” he offered.) Then again, in the 1970s, even MGM itself dumped most of the historical evidence of its formative and glory days into a landfill. Entire movies were lost forever. Last week, MGM went bankrupt once and for all, and now there’s no one to play steward to its legacy unless there’s a buck in it.

When Cypress Gardens opened in Winter Haven, Florida, in 1936, it put Central Florida on the map. People came to the godforsaken Florida swamp from thousands of miles away to watch its water ski shows, in which pyramids of pretty girls, bearing flying pennants, soared past gathered crowds snapping Rolleiflexes. My great-grandfather, Tracy W. O’Neal, was a newspaper photographer, and his albums (part of his archive is at Georgia State University) was full of images from Cypress Gardens because the spectacle was so singular.

Cypress Gardens changed the destiny of billions of people, not just who have ever lived around Orlando but also who have ever vacationed there. But when I paid a visit to the park four years ago, there wasn’t a lone historic postcard, book, magnet, brochure, or sign noting it. Not even gathering dust in a corner in the otherwise deserted gift shops.

Cypress Gardens, which so dishonored its place in American culture, closed permanently soon after. Now Legoland is taking over the property. I fervently hope they can find at least six inches of shelf space between the personalized key chains and jelly beans to remember what brought us all to this place.

I’m fond of saying that if the Disney parks ever closed, the National Park service would have to take them over. They are that central to our national identity and our shared experience as Americans. Is there anything else we all have in common, except maybe Pop Tarts and Pringles? And when you are the stewards of such an intensely historic, culturally indelible enterprise, I think you have a moral obligation to honor it and share the history.

Cypress Gardens' famous Florida-shaped pool: They'd rather you never saw this

Sure, Disney has a membership club for fans, D23, but it comes with a steep annual membership fee. Besides, it’s for people who already love the history.

Country music fans, interestingly, are really great at preserving their cultural heritage despite the fact the genre is a commercial enterprise. Sun Studio in Memphis has been meticulously maintained. The Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville is gorgeous. You can even visit Jerry Lee Lewis’s house, which I regrettably have, because I saw a dead mouse in a wine glass in the dining room.

Some parks are better than others at honoring their position in the history of American recreation. Many of them, oddly, are in Pennsylvania (Kennywood in Pittsburgh, Knoebels in Elysburg) or Europe (Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen), but all of them have something in common: a devoted local fan base. That may explain why Disneyland in California is the lone Disney property that’s getting good at it. Its guests tend to be more of a hometown crowd and are more likely to spend their money on nostalgia items.

But many of our greatest national entertainment brands are well past nostalgia. They are part of the American fabric. Unfortunately, their bosses are more interested in continuing to capitalize on the product than take a few inches of shelf space to thank the forebears who changed the way the world dreams — and laid the groundwork for their fat paychecks.

Jun 162010
 

I’m at the grand opening week of the new Harry Potter land at Islands of Adventure at Universal Orlando. Daniel Radcliffe is here somewhere! I’ll see him tomorrow. And ride the ride. And more. It’s one big party-cum-reds release in 97-degree humid heat. Even the fake snow on Hogsmeade village looks like it could melt.

Here’s my press access badge, which gets me into the Universal parks and lets me cut lines. The lanyard reads “I must not tell lies.” The media relations department is being funny.

More soon!

Tonight, there’s a private party in the Wizarding World. They shut it down for everyone but us. Do cocktails and rides mix? Let’s find out!