Alec Baldwin as American Airlines pilot on Saturday Night Live

Airfares were in disguise before today, but we can spot bad behavior

It’s a welcome development. As of today, travel vendors are required by the Department of Transportation to include taxes and fuel surcharges right up front when the price of the ticket is quoted. No more will shoppers experience that painful price jump when they click through the final purchase screen. All unavoidable expenses are incorporated from the start.

This change finally makes base price the same as cost. It also makes purchasing travel sensible, like purchasing stuff in Europe: The amount on the price tag is what you pay.

It has always been one of the cornerstones of American hucksterism. Businesses love separating the price from the true cost because it makes a sale more appealing. Never mind the fact it’s a lie. Everyone pays the full cost, not only the base price.

So of course some of the big vendors have been responding to the change to “teaser fares” with some weasel-like email messages. Don’t they know that travelers are thrilled? Why apologize?

Air-hotel packager Go-Today.com explains it this way: “Consumers should be aware that fares have not increased; they simply reflect a difference in how pricing is displayed.” That’s the bottom line, and it’s true. But other companies are editorializing, and that’s where they step in it.

Sleazy Spirit Airlines has made a business out of making the cost of airfare seem lower than it truly is. It has had its wrist slapped by the DOT already for deceptive advertising. (I hope the DOT scrubbed thoroughly afterward.) Unsurprisingly, the airline, which builds out the true costs of travel by charging even for carry-ons, tried to spin the new rule as an erosion of American justice, saying it is being forced “to hide” taxes in your ticket quotes now.

Spirit’s fear-mongering email is typical of the false victimhood that hucksters hide behind these days:

New government regulations require us to HIDE taxes in your fares.

This is not consumer-friendly or in your best interest. It’s wrong and you shouldn’t stand for it.

Starting January 24, 2012, fares are distorted.

Why?
Thanks to the U.S. Department of Transportation’s latest fare rules, Spirit must now HIDE the government’s taxes and fees in your fares.

If the government can hide taxes in your airfares, then they [sic] can carry out their [sic] hidden agenda and quietly increase their [sic] taxes. (Yes, such talks are already underway.)

“They can carry out their hidden agenda”? I’d put on my tinfoil hat, but Spirit would charge me extra to carry it on. You’d think the Boston Tea Party took place on an Airbus. It’s not fooling customers who know the issue is not about taxation but about advertising deceptive prices, a charge that it paid a fine for.

Spirit alleges a federal conspiracy because it can’t pretend airfares cost $9 anymore. California’s Sen. Barbara Boxer is having the company for lunch, and rightfully so. It’s detestable and disingenuous to manipulate customers into believing that their liberties are eroding when the only thing eroding is Spirit’s ability to deceive them with impunity. Since it has built its business model on the old bait-and-switch, of course it’s mad. It also has to pretend that the way it’s been misleading you all this time has been just.

Booking Buddy sent me this [emphasis mine]:

BookingBuddy Traveler,

Starting today, January 26, 2012, the Department of Transportation is requiring airlines and online travel agencies to include all mandatory taxes and fees when advertising fares. This is a big win for travelers.

We wanted to alert you to this as it will make flights and vacation packages appear more expensive than you may be used to. In reality, you are simply seeing more of the taxes and fees up front. Base prices themselves are not increasing, and the taxes and fees are the same…

The way Booking Buddy breaks the news makes me wonder: Well, if it’s so great for travelers, then why weren’t all the vendors doing it before today?

Is it because up until today, they didn’t care much about what would be great for travelers?

I give credit to the few third-party booking sites that were adding in mandatory fees to begin with, including Kayak and TripAdvisor. Add those guys to the top of your browser bookmarks because they were being frank with you anyway.

They didn’t need partial or incremental disclosure to make sales more attractive — and didn’t require the wrath of the government to quote costs fully.


 
KAWS statue at The Standard New York

Everyone's a critic: The KAWS sculpture weeps for luxury values at the Standard

On the first day of this month, the New York nightmare happened to me. The apartment beneath me caught fire. The girl who lives there wasn’t at home, but I’m lucky I was, because I had just returned from three weeks away. I’m fortunate my apartment wasn’t empty, because I smelled the smoke, then I heard the crackle of a large blaze, and finally I called 911 as the air in my home became rapidly unbreathable. I stopped the flames, but I everything I own was smoked. I’ve been living in hotels ever since.

The first thing I have learned is that having insurance is worth every penny. Believe it.

I’ve had to switch from hotel to hotel because Fashion Week logjams swept in and swept me out. So now I’ve moved four times, which has enabled me to see New York as a visitor sees it. It’s not a pretty picture.

A hotel may have comfortable beds and a pretty structure, but it always reveals its true attitude toward guests through its amenities. The rooms were built by architects and designers who have long since moved on, but the administration of amenities shows what the people who now run the place really think of you.

Forgive me if I’m cranky (I warned you about that in my last post), but I haven’t slept in my own bed for nearly a month now. And although I do understand these hotels need to make a buck, I also recognize that the nickeling-and-diming of the American traveler has eroded the proud values of the hospitality industry to the point where it’s not often worthy of that name anymore.

John Cleese recently said that what interested him in doing Fawlty Towers was all the hotels he’d been at where things were run for the convenience of the staff and not for the convenience of the guests. He said he could tell in a minute after setting foot in the lobby which hotel he was in. Only some hotels truly care to be hospitable to people stuck away from home. The selfishness of the hoteliers in the other category was what inspired him to create Basil Fawlty.

When I checked into the Standard New York, the model/clerk asked how I was. I told him I was checking in because of a house fire at home. He didn’t say another word until, “Here’s your key.” Not hospitable, no, but perhaps the awkwardness won in that instance.

Soon, I realized that chilliness was endemic to The Standard. The Standard’s rooftop bar, featured prominently in its marketing, was usually closed to guests. It was always rented out at peak cocktail hours. One night, a friend of mine asked whose party was happening, he was told by a model/host, “I’m not going to tell you that.”

W Hollywood Pool

Putting the traveler second: The W Hollywood Pool, pictured here without hotel guests

I found the situation just as prickly last year in Los Angeles, when I tried to use the pool as a guest of the W Hollywood and was told to go away. My complaint caused quite a furor, was covered in The Economist, and elicited some non-apologies from the hotel management. But the trend persists.

The hotel also advertises free wi-fi, but once you check in, you learn the truth: The free wi-fi is a crappy version that tops out at 512 Kbps and kicks you offline during downloads. If you want to do much of anything, including watch movies or YouTube, you have to pay a ghastly $20 a day for the high-speed variety. Were they kidding? Andre Balazs Properties, which was charging me $700 on some nights, actually went through the trouble of creating two wi-fi networks — one of them intended to be junk for the have-nots? They can’t throw in high-speed internet for rates like that?

This week, CNN wrote about this issue, which I’ve been pointing out for years at Budget Travel and AOL: The expensive hotels rip guests off on Internet, while the cheap ones know that including quality wi-fi will guarantee future repeat business.

I think someone should create a blacklist of hotels that advertise free Internet access that, in reality, stinks. Just because a hotel tells you it was wi-fi doesn’t mean it works. Last month, I found the same wi-fi bait-and-switch at the Crowne Plaza Hotel Avenue in Chicago: It advertises free wi-fi that, in truth, is often impossible to use.

In fact, I’ve found that about a third of the time, it’s lousy despite the fact it’s listed as an amenity. You’d never tolerate algae in the swimming pool, or a faucet that only yields a trickle, but we seem to shrug and overlook clogged or inadequate web access.

The Dream Downtown, famous for having windows in the bottom of its pool that are visible from the lobby lounge, was kind of a mess. It boasts about fancy in-room bells and whistles, such as a desk-side panel where you can plug your MP3 player in. Except there were no instructions or cables, and no one who worked there could explain how to use it. Unfortunately, rates of $600 a night are too steep for members of the Geek Squad.

Nate Berkus

Style icon? Or just a bigger celebrity than Lisa Simpson?

Like so many new urban hotels, The Dream Downtown is essentially a life support system for its event spaces, so guests are not prioritized highly.

On the first night I was at the Dream, Nate Berkus was on hand to get an award from US Magazine as one of the city’s best-styled people. (He accepted it in, um, a grey tee shirt and an open denim button-down.) The next night, Marc Jacobs had his show’s after-party there. So those were two nights I pretty much had to stay in my room. On my last night there, I tried to get up to its buzzed-about rooftop bar. I was a paying guest — a heavily paying guest at that — but at the kiosk I was told it would be up to “the doorman’s discretion” whether I could have a drink there. No, thank you. Not gonna submit myself to rejection at a hotel I’m paying already to stay at.

I joined the plebes at the ground-floor bar instead. It had run out of several ingredients, making my order impossible. The next lady who sat down beside me wanted a pinot and they were out of that, too. At the sound of her voice, I glanced aside and saw that it was Yeardley Smith, who voices Lisa Simpson.

It was gratifying to know that it wasn’t just me. Even multimillionaire celebrities get the shaft at Manhattan’s overtrendy hotels.

Then at 11:45, the half-stocked bar declared it was last call and trounced us all out, leaving us with only one option: the bar where the doorman wouldn’t look twice at us because we were not 22 with perky boobs.

The company that manages the bar replied to my tweet about it — incidentally, that’s what the W Hollywood did, too; it blamed my dissatisfaction on a contractor — but the way I see it, I laid out the problem in plain English already. It’s not my job as a customer to jump through hoops, to keep emailing customer service reps, to make sure it’s rectified. It’s theirs as professionals who claim to be in the “hospitality” industry.

These hotels look pretty, even if they all charge for $17 for the most basic of cocktails, which I have required several of during these trying days of contractors and movers, and I can only imagine how delightful they would be if they rose to their price bracket and truly treated customers with luxury. Then again, value has never been at the forefront of fashion.

I peck, but it’s not all bad. I did have a good time at a third hotel I’ve stayed in, the Soho Grand Hotel. It let me borrow a fish during my stay. And it even had an amenity that the Standard and the Dream would never permit to clutter its hyper-styled decor: a free coffee machine for guests.

It was so thoughtful, for a minute I thought I’d died and gone to Best Western.

 

Standard Hotel wi-fi sign-in screens

They don't warn you that cruddy Internet comes standard at the Standard


 

When I rented a car at the Tulsa airport, I knew I was dealing with an officious company when I told the clerk my phone number and said she needed two.

“I only use a mobile phone,” I lied.

“We need two. It’s policy. In case you don’t return the car.”

(“I could just give you a fake number,” I thought.) I gave her an old number.

Then she demanded a street address.

“But my credit card goes to my P.O. box,” I said. I only give out my post office box when I’m dealing with strangers away from home. It’s even on my driver’s license.

“It’s policy,” she said. “In case you–”

“Steal the car?” I finished. “I could just give you a fake one.” I really said it this time.

“They make me take it,” she confided. She was young and sweet, probably wanted a nap, and all she was missing was a wad of chewing gum to smack. I smiled and we laughed together. I couldn’t blame her for this invasion of my personal details. She was merely the legally ill-advised foot soldier.

We plowed through a few more options (decline CDW, I said, since my credit card covers it; yours probably does, too). Then:

“Are you going to pre-pay gas or fill up yourself?”

“I’ll fill up myself.”

“Then you have to bring the receipt for gas back with the car and show it to the attendant who checks it in.”

“What! That’s new! Why? That seems crazy!”

“Yeah, it’s kind of a new policy because people were filling up the tanks with other fluids.” She jerked her thumb toward the Dollar desk. “They’re doing it, too.”

“Really? I hadn’t heard that. Wouldn’t messing up the engine of your rental car be illegal? Isn’t that why you take my credit card?”

“Yeah, and they just need proof that you filled up with gas,” she said.

“It sounds like it ought to be a matter for the police instead.”

She shrugged. I signed. Vexed as I was by this triple presumption of guilt by Thrifty Rental Car, and as annoyed as I am to be forced, DMV-style, to prove my innocence through unnecessary paperwork, I needed the car I had reserved. I’ll assume other annoyed customers like me submit for similar reasons.

“This makes me just want to use Avis next time,” I said with an outward laugh.

She wrinkled her nose. “Yah, but we’re cheaper.”

Down at the pick-up desk, I asked a second employee how long this rule had been in place.

“More than a year,” she said, before plunging into an unasked-for explanation. “It’s for your own protection. It’s the only way to make sure the gas tank is actually full because the gauge isn’t always accurate. We get a lot of businessmen who drive around and don’t fill up but the needle’s still on full.”

Not only was this second explanation wormy — so which was the real reason? — but it also made no sense. (Whenever the phrase “for your convenience” appears, you can bet it’s to mask the real reason, which always benefits the company instead. When you hear that, scrutinize.) And in this case, having a receipt would not prove the tank was full, only that gas was purchased at some point. I was given no time parameters for when I’d have to get that receipt, after all.

“That’s funny. The girl inside told me it was because customers are fling the tanks with other things.”

She frowned. “Oh. She wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

 

Update: I’m hearing reports that Avis does this now, too. Which other renters also do? Update to that update: That Avis demand was just a rumor. Looks like Thrifty/Dollar stands alone.

Update 2: When I returned the car, the clerk didn’t ask to see it. She also didn’t check the mileage or the fuel gauge. Her computers were down so she virtually waved me through.

20110818-182512.jpg


 

I have just received my response from the “Customer Relations” representative at Virgin Atlantic, who, like the “Social Relations” rep, continues to blame the irresponsible decisions that stranded 250 of us at JFK International Airport for 32 hours on the weather. Never mind that the core of my issues were why we were forced to travel to the airport in dangerous blizzard conditions and why the airline failed to accommodate us properly once it was clear we were stranded there.

She completely evades many of my very pointed questions (see the previous post), such as why Virgin Atlantic chose to force us to the airport at the blizzard’s peak despite industry-wide cancellations, why it did not issue waivers to us to rebook without fees, and why many of us were denied even blankets. She does not address whether Upper Class passengers were brought to a hotel.

In fact, she essentially says that I should have taken myself to a hotel if I wanted one so badly. She doesn’t say how that would be possible, given all roads and rail services to the airport were closed during the 4.5 hours we were irresponsibly snowed in on the tarmac. But she does use it as an excuse of granting any compensation whatsoever.

Dear Mr Cochran

I’ve read your post on jason-cochran.com and would like to take this opportunity to respond to some of the concerns you feel Howard did not address in his earlier correspondence.

At the outset I want to offer my apologies to you and all our passengers who were caught up in the weather disruptions both in the UK and the US in December. The inconvenience and upset caused to all travellers, not only airline passengers, was extensive and in airline terms unprecedented.

As Howard has already confirmed the decision to depart VS4 was taken in accordance with advice from ground and air traffic management as well as our own operations control and the operating pilot.  Unfortunately the weather deteriorated after the aircraft pushed back and the window of opportunity passed. Many airlines were in effect ‘stuck’ on the taxiways as the conditions worsened and I have seen reports of many other airlines passengers being on board for 7 hours or more. No airline would knowingly place its customers in this type of situation if it could be avoided.

Conditions in the terminal were not good for anybody, due entirely to the high numbers of stranded passengers. The prevailing conditions meant passengers were unable to move away from the airport environment, and as a result of the high demand some food outlets ran out of supplies.

These circumstances also meant we could not secure large numbers of hotel rooms for all passengers.  Upper Class customers as well as those with special needs were accommodated in the Virgin Clubhouse but this area has limited capacity and it was not possible to accommodate all passengers there.  We advised passengers who were able to leave the terminal and find their own accommodation to send us their receipts for reimbursement, in accordance with our obligations under European regulation 261/2004.

Aviation regulation requires us to rest all operating crew under specific conditions in order to ensure they are fit to fly and accompany the passengers when the flight is subsequently cleared for take off.  A handful of rooms are reserved for crew on a permanent basis as part of the crew hotel contract and cannot be redistributed amongst passengers.

In the event of a flight cancellation Virgin Atlantic always offers passengers the opportunity to claim a full refund, or to book them on the next available flight with us or another carrier. We do not charge passengers when they are rebooked to the next available flight and if you were told otherwise by our staff I apologise, it is neither our policy or our intention. In relation to compensation, under certain conditions when European registered airlines cancel a flight within 14 days of departure the EU regulation requires them to pay compensation. However, the regulation makes it clear that airlines are not obliged to pay compensation if the cancellation is caused by extraordinary circumstances which could not have been avoided even if all reasonable measures had been taken. Such circumstances include weather conditions incompatible with the operation of the flight concerned.

Whilst it is clear to see that you are very unhappy with the way in which you were treated I want to assure you that throughout this event everyone at Virgin Atlantic was working very hard to try and minimise the inconvenience being suffered by our customers. As with all experiences of this nature there are learning points as well as achievements and we will certainly be reviewing all our actions and processes over the next few weeks.

Yours sincerely

Caroline Lynam

Customer Relations Manager

Did you catch some of her contradictions? She admits “the prevailing conditions meant passengers were unable to move away from the airport environment” and yet denies compensation because we didn’t get ourselves to hotels and bring them receipts. She claims “no airline would knowingly place its customers in this type of situation if it could be avoided” and yet nearly every other carrier had canceled its flights, and the fact ours wasn’t canceled despite this plain industry convention (and, in fact, all of Virgin Atlantic’s other flights that same evening were–another point of mine she evaded) is what caused us to be stranded in such inhumane conditions.

How about “everyone at Virgin Atlantic was working very hard to try and minimise the inconvenience being suffered by our customers” when its gate agent, Josie, flatly told me I wasn’t allowed to have a blanket she was holding?

Ms Lynam also admits that our inability to rebook our flight to get out of the way of the blizzard was not policy: “We do not charge passengers when they are rebooked to the next available flight and if you were told otherwise by our staff I apologise, it is neither our policy or our intention.” Yet I am offered nothing in compensation for what she admits was a breach, despite the fact had this admitted mistake not occurred (despite the fact I had pleaded on two different phone calls, plus a tweet), I would have avoided this entire mess.

This is the response of an airline that’s called out in the international media for running a flight that everyone knew should not have been running? (I am still awaiting the response of the airline’s public relations arm.)

This is one of the biggest bungles of social media and customer service that I have seen out of an airline in a decade.

Updated: A Virgin Atlantic public relations representative just wrote me to say that indeed, this response was written jointly with his department, which handles media. This means the airline is now ignoring most of my queries both as a customer and as a journalist. I sent the airline my questions that it has so far refused to answer for. Here is what it is avoiding:

* Why did Virgin Atlantic, unlike nearly every other carrier operating in the Northeast of the United States, refuse to waive the change fee so that I could get out of the way of the blizzard? Your Customer Relations rep admits this was a breach of policy, and that breach put me and many others in this position. What is to be done for us about that?
* Why did Virgin Atlantic, unlike nearly every other carrier operating in the Northeast of the United States, refuse to cancel VS004? That the airline thought it could make the flight, or that the airport initially cleared it to push back, are not satisfactory answers because VA operated diametrically against clearly observable weather realities as well as industry conventions that evening.
* VA canceled all its other flights to London that night, so what made your airline think that this one would not be subject to the same weather conditions? It was scheduled to depart eight hours after the snowfall began, forcing passengers to arrive at the airport in very hazardous road conditions. Even before we pushed back from the gates, weather reports clearly warned that the blizzard was about to double in intensity; I received those reports as a passenger, and I would assume your pilots had access to the same, or better, reports. Does Virgin Atlantic officially decline to admit this was a lapse in judgment?
* Is it true that Upper Class and/or Premium Economy passengers were taken to a hotel? Your response did not deny this.
* If crew could be taken to a hotel, why were passengers not taken to one?
* Your employee Josie denied me a blanket, which she had in stock, as I tried to camp on the floor of a terminal as subfreezing winds rushed through open doors. On what grounds would that be acceptable?
* Many of us could not redeem our food vouchers because of low supplies or interminable lines. What compensation is to be expected there?
* Many of us did not receive luggage for five days despite the fact our was the only Virgin Atlantic flight to leave New York City. What was the cause and what will be done for us about that?


Backtrack!

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